Sometimes I Wish

Car horns blared. Commuters hurried past. The distant rumble of the train.


The world outside my window was a jarring dissonance to the mournful dirge playing within me. Everything felt muted. Colors now bled into shades of grey.


My phone alarm screamed at me, jolting me back to reality. 6:00 AM. Time to begin the charade. I hit snooze, burying my head deeper under the covers.


 Sometimes I wish somebody would find me dead in the morning.


I stared at the ceiling. The cracks traced intricate patterns against the pale plaster. Thoughts swirled around in my head like a tempest.


Why bother?


The question echoes in the hollow chambers of my mind. Why bother getting up? Why bother going through the motions? Why bother at all? 


What's the use of facing the day?


Life went on while I felt like a broken record, stuck on the same agonizing track. Getting out of bed was an insurmountable feat. My body felt heavy, leaden. I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. Who was that girl? Hollow eyes, skin the color of stale milk, and a shadow clinging to my lips like a venomous kiss. Beauty—if I ever had it—has long since abandoned the ship. 


School was a torture chamber. Teachers droned on. But I couldn't seem to grasp a single word. My friends try to coax me out. I simply forced a smile. But it felt empty—a mask I wore to appease them.


Sometimes I wish somebody would find me dead in the morning.


The thought keeps creeping in. More insistent now.


The idea tempted me with the promise of release. No more mornings, no more anxieties, no more of this suffocating existence. Just the sweet oblivion of nothingness. 


I knew I shouldn't think about these things. I knew I should talk to someone. But the thought of exposing the darkness within me felt unbearable. 


I was so tired. So very tired. 


And so, I finally succumbed. It was a final, desperate act of self-preservation. My hand was trembling as I penned a farewell note and apologized for the burden I felt I was to everyone.


Sometimes I wish somebody would find me dead in the morning.


For me, that wish came true. I did the unthinkable. And I found a strange, twisted kind of peace.

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