Messy




If you could see inside my head right now, it would be a mess. Feels like it's going to rip me apart. You deserve to know, but the words feel too heavy to say out loud.

Seeing the confusion in your eyes on the bus, it felt like a knife twisting in my gut. You, with your sunshine smile, a horizon so bright it blinds me for a second. You deserve a life with clear skies ahead, not the suffocating grey that's closing in on me.

My world feels like it's shrinking. The little girl who used to chase butterflies with boundless energy is... fading. This stupid illness is stealing her from us piece by piece. There was hope that could give her a fighting chance. But that hope vanished today, like smoke on the wind.

The poison on my tongue. How could I drag you into this maelstrom that threatens to drown me? You shouldn't have to carry this weight. You shouldn't have to see the cracks forming in the foundation of our castle. But pushing you away felt like a betrayal too. Of the trust we built, of the promise we made to face anything together.

Maybe I'm being selfish. Maybe I just needed a stolen breath before the weight of everything crushed me. But seeing the hurt in your eyes was the worst part. You deserve the truth, even if it breaks your heart a little.

I don't know what tomorrow holds. Right now, it feels like we're on different paths, diverging into the unknown. But please, believe me. The love I have for you is a steady anchor in these swirling currents. Even if things get messy, even if we have to ride these waves separately for a while, know that this doesn't change how I feel about you.

I'll fight like hell to get back on that path with you. But for now, I need a little space to find the strength to face you, face the world with this new reality. I just pray the storm doesn't drive us too far apart.

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